By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return.
Genesis 3:19It's funny how death makes you think about life. It is only five days into 2009 and I have a second funeral to attend. Last Friday I attended a service commemorating my friend's grandmother. I did not know the one who had passed on, but I went so that I could support my friend and her family.
This week I will be attending services for my grandmother-in-law, Doris Weber.
For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21 Death is something that I both fear and look forward to.
Why do I look forward to it?
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Revelations 21:4 Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going. John 14:1-4 I look forward to it because I will finally be fulfilled. I will be able to meet Jesus, the one whom I long for, face to face. I will worship Him and praise him full, as I was created to do. Maybe I will finally understand his ways; perhaps I will finally grasp the depth of his love. Until then, I do my best here, failing daily.
So why do I fear death at all?
Simply, I am afraid of being alone. I am afraid of what will happen to those around me who are passing. I do not think that I could bear life without my husband. How do I know the hearts of those I love? Will they spend eternity worshiping with me? Or will we be separated forever?
I don't pretend to understand death at all. I don't know what heaven will be like. I don't know what our "heavenly treasures" will be. I do know that everything good and lovely here on Earth is nothing but a shadow of things to come. I know that as a child of God, I will be complete and fulfilled. I know that heaven is not fluffy clouds, cute chubby cherubs, harps and pearly gates only. I know that it is much much more than you can imagine.
I know that all I have and can influence is today.
For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21 To live is Christ . . .
Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. Psalm 39:4 Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12
Doris Weber, Mom-mom is Jeremy's paternal grandmother. She lived in Lutherville, Maryland, down the street from where her mother had lived and across the street from her daughter.
Though I did not get to know her as well as I would have liked, there are some things that will always remind me of Mom-mom. Oysters from her Easter dinner, square dancing (which was a passion of hers), caramel apples because that is what she gave us for Christmas just 10 days ago. Square dancing played a large part in Doris's life. She showed me her closets full of old square dancing outfits, her basement was remodeled and designed so that there would be room for dances and dance lessons! The Mason Dixon Square Dancing Federation has a short post in memory of Doris. On the MSDSDF website, you can even see upcoming dances where Doris is slotted as a caller or cuer.
I asked Jeremy for one of his favorite memories with Doris and he told me about how he used to stay at her house and ride his big wheel up to Nanny's (Jeremy's great grandmother) to get vienna finger cookies, so add vienna fingers to my list.
In thinking about Doris and how I will remember her from the short time that she has been a part of my life, and in discussing the arrangements for this week, the conversation between Jeremy and myself ended up with thoughts about our own deaths and more specifically our funerals.
I don't want everyone to where black to my funeral. I'd prefer red. I also want to come up with some great song that you would never play at a funeral but will make everyone smile because of how I touched their lives. Hmm, perhaps the Beatles, or maybe Colin Hay, 'Waiting for my real life to begin.' Thinking about my funeral led to thinking about how people would remember me. Doris left me a great legacy in her grandkids, my dear husband and his brother whom is also a good friend of mine. What kind of legacy will I leave?
So as I think about what I want to leave behind, and how I want my life to have made a difference, however small in someone else's life, let me leave you with these words:
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Please keep Jeremy and his family in your prayers, especially Doris's husband Dan and her children Ray (Jeremy's Dad) and Linda.
Read On...
