Alone

My husband travels a lot. I have learned that I don't like queen size beds all to myself. I'd rather be rushed in the morning and have to divy up shower time. I don't like there only being one toothbrush in the cup on our sink.

Some things were made to come in pairs and these things are just not right when there is only one. Read On...

I love my car.

I just want to let be known that I love my little red Jetta. My husband bought her for me and I named her Gwynevere. I have had her for about 5+ months and can now drive it (even though it is a stick!) quite well. She is pretty fast, too, and has a sunroof! Read On...

It's the 'in' thing.

So I love photography. I am not the best, I am about average, though at my height, I may have been slightly above average. I carried box cameras to every event I went to as a kid. I was given a Canon AE-1 (approximately 30 years old*), along with a 50mm, a wide angle, and two telephoto lenses when I was in middle school. I started shooting with that a lot. I took several photography classes in high school and learned to love black and white film and working in a darkroom. I liked having control over every print and being able to call each one my own art from from composure and shot all the way to the finished print.

I caved when I went to college and got a digital point and shoot. Unfortunately the ease of digital is hard to beat. Especially since I had no access to a dark room. Somewhere along here, my then boyfriend and now husband, Jeremy, bought a Nikon D50. A very nice digital SLR. Something I had been eying for a while but as a part-time working/full time student, a thousand bucks just wasn't feasible. My senior year at UMBC I finally could fit in a photography class and gained access to a darkroom again. My skills had definitely degraded since when I shot in film all the time, but love never wanned.

I now shoot occasionally with Jeremy's D50, occasionally with my point and shoot (incidentally which is a very nice point and shoot that I love! a Fuji E510), and least of all, occasionally with my AE-1, although again, I have no dark room so I am reduced to sending my film to someplace else.

It seems that everyone these days has at least the equivalent of a D50 and is starting a children/wedding photography business, or is an assistant to one. I am seem to have been left behind in something that I loved. Because of my reluctance to switch to digital, everyone is now better than I. Nor, even with everyone I know going pro, have I found someone who would want to take me as an assistant.

I like photography, but have I missed my chance? I don't want to be seen as following the crowd, but now with digital, anyone can be good at photography. This also means that my mediocrity will not cut it. Shall I cut my losses and find a new less expensive, less trendy hobby? Or shall I suck it up?

Unfortunately, I am a jack of all trades and master of none. I perhaps will never find something that I have a passion for and am good at. I will always just be average.


A tidbit about what love is:
"I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you!" Read On...

Piñatas are fun.

Last Sunday was my good friend, Marge's birthday. I don't know how old she is, but we can just say that her daughter is my best friend. Anyhow, what is a birthday party without a piñata? A cheesy colorful donkey piñata filled with candy! You can never get too old for that! We had fun!

In other news, Jeremy was away for two days this week and he is going be away all this upcoming week. I have been trying to supportive and encouraging while he is away, but right now that is amounting to me hiding my tears and depression until he is either out the door or we have hung up the phone for the evening. I am trying, but I was thinking about why I get upset and this is what I came up with. We have been married 7 months (as of Thursday) and I haven't yet figured out my life and how to live with Jeremy, much less how to live without him. I am not in college any more, I don't have friends withing walking distance away, I am not involved in a thousand different organizations; everyone I know has their own life, kids, jobs and I just don't fit in them well, I suppose. Without Jeremy, I get lonely. So we are looking into other positions/jobs now for Jeremy with less travel. I want Jeremy to be happy, but I also know that this isn't what he wants to do for the rest of his life.

In fact, we are both kinda in limbo. We have good jobs, but they aren't really what either of us want to do for the rest of our lives. I want a job I love and am passionate about. Maybe someday. . .


A tidbit about what love is:
The other night I was cold, even under a quilt, 2 blankets and a sheet. So my husband got out from under the warm covers to go grab me another comforter and came back and tucked me in.
Read On...